Your Roving Reporter, Mr Yossarian

I have just received an email from my mate Al, who lives over in Morpeth. He attached a document containing some gig reviews I did for a website he ran called Bundy Talent. The site closed in 2005 so what a trip down memory lane this is.

Bundy Talent put live bands on at venues across the north-east of England. The ‘staff’ consisted of Al (Mr Bundy), The Fox, (Mr Renard) and yours truly (Mr Yossarian). The ‘fourth Bundy’ was Dirty Leeds (Dirty Leeds) but he rarely made an appearance. Most of the gigs happened here in Blyth at the Flying Horse, but some were held further afield in Seaton Delaval, Corbridge, Morpeth and Hexham. Where possible we would try to have a Bundy Talent representative at each gig to take snaps and write reviews for the website. I will have to check with Mr Bundy to see if he has any figures regarding the number of hits the site got.

Such was my dedication to the cause I drove out to Hexham on my own with my camping gear just to attend a gig. Worse, the clutch on my Escort went and I managed to limp into a lay-by about 3 miles outside the town. Luckily, in my wallet I had a card from a Hexham taxi firm that I had picked up on a previous visit.

Anyway, here are Mr Yossarian’s top five Bundy Talent gig review pieces…

5:  I had a bright idea for this gig – instead of messing about with pencil and paper to make notes on the band’s performance, I thought I’d take along my Sony Dictaphone and record my opinions into the mic. Not only would this give an accurate account of the gig, it would look very professional too. Then I realised that the noise of the band would drown out anything I said and decided it was the worst idea I’d had since I went metal detecting in steel capped boots.

4: It was a trip back to the sixties for tonight’s gig, so I only went out with two pounds three and a tanner.

3: …the place was heaving like a landlubber on a yacht.

2: And as I run through my notes on the Sunday morning I see that the band kicked off with ½ doz eggs , followed by carton of milk and loaf of bread . . . . wait – I’m looking at the wrong piece of paper here – sorry.

1: Earlier in the day, while on a trip to Harrogate, I mentioned to Mr Bundy and Mr Renard that I might go to the Hastings that evening and walk home, leaving my car at the pub as I had the previous Sunday. Mr Renard informed me that there is a cycle track that runs from the Keel Row pub right down to Newsham, and that if I went along it I would shave a lot of time off my journey. On taking his advice, however, I soon found myself lost in darkened fields with no visible landmarks on which to get a fix (as I came downhill, the horizon, including Blyth lighthouse, disappeared). Anyway after venturing through a wooded area so dark it made the Blair Witch look like an episode of Scooby Doo, I stumbled into a ditch, got stung by nettles, almost walked into a horse and, in my attempt to flee the startled beast, grabbed an electrified fence. I finally arrived home at precisely 1.50am. You can work out for yourself how much time I shaved off the journey when I tell you that I was home at 12.15am the previous Sunday, when I went the ‘long’ way round. So thank you, the Fox.

Happy days.

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About Joe Young

Supposed writer from the north-east coast of England.
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2 Responses to Your Roving Reporter, Mr Yossarian

  1. if i had a brain I'd be dangerous says:

    when is this escalator gonna stop?

  2. Joe Young says:

    When it reaches the top.

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