Divvint Hoy Me Ganzy in the Clarts

The north-eastern dialect is one of the most liked in the UK, apparently. But it can be difficult to understand when certain regional words are used. For example, ‘Divvint hoy me ganzy in the clarts’, which translates as ‘Don’t throw my jumper in the mud’ contains words that are not in general use across the UK, and so I avoid using them when talking to people from outside the area.

Further complications arise with our use of the word we. Of course this means us, you and me. But up here we also means with, as in;

 “Are you going to the pub?”

 “What we, brass buttons?”

 Add to this that the very same word is also used to mean who.

“Knock knock.”

“We’s there?”

 If that wasn’t bad enough, the introduction of the Nintendo Wii has further complicated things.

 “Wey we’s ‘e on the Wii we?” sounds positively foreign.

The good folk of the neighbouring town of Ashington get a fair bit of stick for their unique dialect.

A lorry carrying 1000 terrapins to an aquarium overturned in Ashington town centre. It was a turtle disaster.


A woman went into an Ashington hairdresser’s. “I’d like a perm, please,” she said. The hairdresser replied;

I wandered lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o’er vales and hills,

When all at once I saw a crowd,

A host, of golden daffodils.”

 In this same cringe-worthy vein, here are some north-eastern pronunciation jokes.

For services rendered, Geordie was invited to Buckingham Palace for tea with the Queen. She offered him a plate of fancies.

“Would you like a cake, Geordie, or a meringue?” Her Majesty asked.

“Nar, yer right, hinny, I’ll have a cake,” Geordie said.

*     *     *

 I rang a local takeaway. “Do you deliver?” I said.

 “No,” he said, “we only do beef and chicken.”

 *     *     *

A bloke was driving a van, making deliveries around Newcastle. the van broke down and steam was rising from under the bonnet. He rang his boss and told him what had happened.

 “Are you overheatin’?” the boss asked.

“No,” the driver said, “I’m still in Byker.”

 *     *     *

 Back in the days when a petrol pump attendant put fuel in your car, a flash Texan pulled into an isolated Northumberland garage in a huge swanky car.

 “Gimme ten gallons of gas,” the Texan said. The attendant obliged.

As the attendant filled the tank, the driver got out and kicked the tyres of his car. Just as the attendant was about to replace the pump nozzle in its holder, the Texan said, “Gimme some air.”

The attendant put another three gallons in.  

In case you didn’t get any of those, here is an explanation. We say the word ‘wrong’ as ‘wrang’, therefore ‘or a meringue’ comes across as ‘would you like a cake, or am I wrong?’ Up here the word ‘do’ is pronounced ‘dee’, so ‘do you deliver?’ is interpreted as ‘do you do liver?’ Heaton is an area of  Newcastle, so when asked if he was overheating, he understood it as ‘are you over Heaton?’Local pronunciation of the word ‘more’ is ‘mair’, so ‘gimme some air’ came across as ‘gimme some more’.

Howay the lads 😀

About Joe Young

Supposed writer from the north-east coast of England.
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One Response to Divvint Hoy Me Ganzy in the Clarts

  1. sebboils says:

    Reblogged this on sebboils.

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