Category Archives: Uncategorized

Melon Farming for Beginners: A Brief History of Swearing in the Movies

Originally posted on up the down escalator:
one of her five-a-day Back in the days of silent films, packed picture houses enjoyed the latest offerings of Charlie Chaplin, Fatty Arbuckle and Harold Lloyd to the accompaniment of suitable piano music.…

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The Daredevil

The bunting that stretched between lamp posts, and the cheering crowd that lined the route were only present in my imagination, but when I wheeled my MoBo scooter up to the top of the street, I felt like Evel Kinevil … Continue reading

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Grammar School, Here I Come

At the end of the school day, everyone in the fourth year of the juniors was given a sealed buff envelope to take home. What these envelopes contained were our futures: the results of our eleven plus exams we had … Continue reading

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Child Exploitation

In the small two-street enclave of Cowpen where I grew up, my friends and I got to know by name virtually all the adults who lived there. It didn’t take us long to suss out which housewives paid the best … Continue reading

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Freeing the Alnwick Two

Let me take you on a journey back in time. To 1879, when Victoria was on the throne, Disraeli sat in No 10, and Alexander Graham Bell was progressing with his new invention, the telephone. Inside a vicarage in the … Continue reading

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Nightmare on Strawberry Place

Many years ago, when I was in my twenties, I started going about with my friend, Stan, on his hot dog van, this being an old Mini van with a fibreglass shell fitted to the back. I didn’t get paid, … Continue reading

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My OCD and Me

The cup in the photo is one of six I recently bought from the reduced shelf in a local discount store. Two of the cups are emblazoned with the word TEA, and four say COFFEE (I drink more tea than … Continue reading

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Are You Water Tight?

The sun is blazing into my living room as I type. We are at that crazy time of year when the news headlines scream ‘drought!’, yet Wimbledon is delayed because of monsoon-like rains and Glastonbury is remembered as a mud … Continue reading

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Automatic for the People

Automatic (adj & n) 1: (of a machine, device etc, or its function) working by itself, without direct human intervention. So says the dictionary. And from the machine you wash your clothes in to the car you drive, if that … Continue reading

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A One-to-One on Word

Back in the 1990s a mobile phone network ran a series of TV ads where famous people were asked which prominent figures from the hereafter they would like to have a one-to-one conversation with. A couple I remember are ex-footballer … Continue reading

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